Lamp Unto My Feet: Catholic Writers Conference Adventure #1

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Full disclosure: I get really anxious when I face the unknown. Familiar? Yeah. I don't think I'm alone in this. Going to the Catholic Writers Conference 2022, I walked smack up against a lot of unknowns. Being a newcomer to The Catholic Writers Guild, and never having attended any kind of writing conference before, I felt much like a freshman on the first day of school. Green. Clueless. With "Rookie" painted in bold letters on my forehead. 

I didn't sleep much for about two weeks leading up to the conference, just trying to be as prepared as possible. The idea of pitching my (no-so) little story to someone who edits books professionally was really intimidating. What if my idea was trash? What if I found out I'm a terrible writer? What if this whole writing thing was all me and not God? What if this dream was foolish, unattainable, unfounded? Self-doubt had me spinning. ​

And yet...

In the midst of the turmoil, God called me to follow Him into the next right step. That sounded familiar, too.

Have you every had a life-compass crisis? You know, one of those moments where you find yourself with your head in your hands, asking, "What am I doing with my life?" I seem to have those every few years. It tends to happen when I get comfortable. When I start to think I have finally gotten "the hang of things" and know how to live life. 

That's when God taps me on the shoulder and asks me where I'm going. My answer is always the same:
​I HAVE NO IDEA. 

As much as it feels like a crisis at the time, that is always the moment when the Lord begins to introduce a new idea, a new direction. Sometimes the new direction is an attitude. "Acceptance with Joy." Sometimes it is a new conviction. "Chocolate is not actually food group," (though I may be in denial). Sometimes it is a timeless truth. "God cares about ME more than He cares about what I can DO for Him." 

And sometimes He reminds me of the same beautiful things He has been whispering to my heart for years: 

"Your word is a lamp for my feet,
​a light for my path." - Psalm 119:105

A lamp for my feet. 

A wise priest once pointed out in a homily I heard that "a lamp for my FEET" is not going to light up the whole road. As a matter of fact, it's only going to light the next right step. Impatient adventurer that I am, I would prefer that I see the whole road ahead of time. I want to know where I'm going. I want to eliminate the fear that comes with "the unknown". I tell myself that I would trust easier that way. But God knows better. 

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He gives me a lamp for my feet, not the whole path with all its challenges, failures, and triumphs. Because if I could see those challenges now, I might be too afraid to take the road at all. I might be too afraid to risk failure. I might be too afraid of the pain the comes from falling--or climbing. I might be afraid of the sacrifice. I might try to take shortcuts. The "easy" way. Or a way that seems better to me at the time. Or I might be too proud of what will be accomplished. I may forget that the gifts are only a glimmer of the Giver, who gives all good things. So, God shows me enough to keep me going, to take the next right step, as long as I keep trusting Him for that light. 

The Lord reminded me of this image, the lamp for my feet, as He invited me into the adventure of the Catholic Writers Conference. Whatever comes of it--whether my book is ever published or not--He assured me that attending was the next right step. I'll never know the answers if I never ask the questions. I'll never be anything but a rookie if I never attempt to play. I'll never know what the Lord can accomplish in me and through me if I never have the courage to hand Him my loaves and fishes. 

So here we are. I have offered my loaves and fishes. Now they get broken. And hopefully blessed. But I won't know for a while yet. And that's okay. Because the Lord has given me a lamp for my feet, and I trust that He has my best interest at heart in this next right step, wherever it may lead from here.